Day Twenty-seven, Twenty-eight, and Twenty-nine.

geez time flies.

yesterday i had a moment after practice where i almost talked myself out of not finishing this 30 days in a row of yoga challenge. my legs were stiff and fatigued. i couldn't jam to save my life. i felt out of shape and tired and the only thing i could think of was the fact that i had just done yoga prior to getting to practice. i can't afford going into this weekend being stiff and fatigued. i need to be at my best.

this is when i doubt....

does this really make me stronger if i feel weaker? does this really work?

ultimately i think it does. i've experienced ups and downs during this whole month. some days i am strong and limber and feel it from head to toe all day...even into practice. some days i am a ball of tension unable to move my legs or back or neck to save my life. those are the days i have to be mentally strong and keep pushing myself. knowing the good outweighs the bad.

i have experienced drastic lack of sleep doing this. my goal in october is to find the balance.

how do i balance yoga, sleep, derby, and my dog....oh yeah and my life outside those things (does that exist anymore?)?

october is my birthday month. i am a libra. i claim it as a month of balance.

Days Twenty-four, Twenty-five, and Twenty-six

wow!

three days of not posting. crazy.

three days until i finish this 30 days in a row challenge. then i will continue through the month of october.

i realized this morning that i feel like i am neglecting my dog. silly as that sounds, and yes i know i'm obsessed with my dog, but he is home all day from 7:30AM to 7:30PM. then i go to practice again an hour later until 10:30/11PM. during the week my dog sees me about 5-7 hours. poor pinchi da vinci.

anyway, that is the downside to yoga apparently. having to fit it in the schedule without taking away from others. i have the worst time with that. i don't know how to balance my activities that i love to be with the people (or pet) that i care about.

3 days...maybe i'll have some sort of breakthrough of mental clarity. or not??? either way i will feel extremely accomplished for completing this goal and in the end actually liking it. :)

Day Twenty-Three

i am a big ball of tightness.

i feel worse today than i have in a while and i had to yoga at 5:45AM. i think i need more sleep.

it is so weird. i can see the benefits of yoga. there are times i can swing my arm around and my body feels great. then there are days like today where i feel fat, lethargic, tight, and in pain.

i have five more days to this challenge but i signed up for 30 more.

bikram says, "give me 60 days and i will change your body, your mind and your life". so i will give him 30 more days.

despite all of the feelings i have today i need to remember attitude has a lot to do with how i am feeling right now. and sleep deprivation. i do feel strong and proud when i leave a good class, when i am rested, and when i hold a pose for even one second longer than the day before. we all have bad days, i just need to remember that the good outweighs the bad.

i think the next 30 days i need to not just give over my physical body but really think about giving over my mindset...not to be a crazy yogi but to be open to the possibilities of bettering my body, mind and life.....

Day Twenty-Two

one more week!!!

up at 5:ish AM again to get my yoga in. it was very very hard to get outta bed and get moving. thank goodness i have had radio motivating me to wake up that early. i still hung out in savasana a lot today...dizzy, dizzy. i ended strong and awake-ish. :)

oddly feeling tighter this week than i have in a while. do i need to stretch more during the day to counter all the hot stretching i do in class?

that's weird.

oh well, gonna ice, heat and stretch to healing....

Day Twenty-One

always one day behind it seems...

so i lamented the other day about being sloppy in class when my favorite instructor was teaching and i got a redo yesterday!

huzzah!!!

i tried not to push my injury too hard but i wanted to show i could do some things. i did all of the poses and by the end my shoulder was back by my ear. i got a sorta limp tree going on but my tree pose is improving. i managed to lay all the way back on my fixed firm pose! i felt really good about class, even better than day eighteen...woah!

and even though she didn't say anything about my awesome progress, i like to think my favorite instructor was looking at me out of the corner of her eye thinking, "look at gogo improving over there, high five!".

yeah, she totally gave me a mental high five for working hard. :)

Day Twenty

yay!

twenty days of yoga!

boo to being a little bit back to square one. my shoulder is tense and not working but it felt a little better than it had the day before.

i made an appointment for a massage next weekend. work that knot out!!!

for now i keep lifting it and going forward without fear...ten more days till challenge victory!

i've really enjoyed these past 20 days. they have pushed me and motivated me, even when i didn't want to do anything but sleep.

Day Eighteen and Nineteen

the tale of the contrasting sessions...

so on day eighteen i had a tiger printed instructor lead me through the routine. maybe it was the tiger strength/determination that pushed me to have one of my best classes. whatever it was i walked away feeling great. i held poses longer than i'd ever done, even if it was for 10 seconds. i tried everything even if i barely got it (tree) or didn't get it at all (camel). best class!

i even bragged the next morning at practice about its awesomeness.

then day nineteen. during practice i took a hit on a solid blocker and tensed up. i know i didn't reinjure myself, i just tensed up and felt my muscle tighten back up. the muscle that i had worked so hard to get to touch my ear now jutted out 4 inches from my head during my poses. to make it all worse it was my favorite instructor leading and i had been so proud the day before of my p ostures. why couldn't she have seen me yesterday? i felt defeated just a bit but kept going through the motions. i let her know at the end that i had reinjured myself. she noticed. she told me to just keep working and know that it doesn't take long and i will be back to elbow on ear. i hope it is soon, i worked so hard to get it there in the first place.

Day Seventeen

things fell into place at the end of the day.

shorter yoga allowed me to get my packing done.

still no where to go. meditate on that....

Day Sixteen and some of Day Seventeen

balance.

that is what i heard in class on day sixteen from the instructor. she wasn't just speaking about holding our poses she was speaking to balance in our life as well.

as a libra i always think about how my symbol is balance but i am so unbalanced. i get weighed down by one activity or feeling/emotion instead of keeping it in perspective and evenly distributed.

i've put all my energy into a sport i love but without balance i miss out on other life opportunities and/or incorrectly prioritize and fail in love and life. i spoke with a friend (sprout) who plays derby out of state today (day 17) and she shared with me that she just went on a a mini vacation to yoga workshops/meditate. she spoke to me about how important it is to find balance in derby and life and love. i was a little jealous she got a vacation that didn't involve three games ;) but her message of taking a moment and meditate for inner reflection sunk in.

i have a lot i need to work through, who doesn't. i think we all need meditative moments daily or weekly to find balance within ourselves.

i am not giving up derby, i am by no means ready to do that, but i need to realize it is okay to miss once and it should not consume my thoughts or life...derby is a part of me but it is not all that i am......

Day Fourteen and Fifteen

awww.

i let two monumental days pass without real posts about their significance. :(

my two week mark!

and my half way to thirty mark!!

sad i didn't post but i have been consumed in thought by another and forgot myself for a while. a lot of what ifs and whys and maybe nows have distracted me from my breathing, my postures, and my focus during class.

i could lie and say that those two days holding monumental points in my yoga journey did so much for me and i'm so strong now, but i can't. i slept some during class on both days because i didn't feel well and i was dizzy and i was depressed. blah.

i can however say that i tried and i didn't give up going to yoga altogether.

and that is where i am right now. still moving forward. trying to regain my focus back to the words, to the postures, to the movement of my body and my breathing....trying to bring it back to the betterment of me (mentally and physically), which has been my goal in this project the whole time.

moving on to the second half of this challenge....

Day Thirteen

lucky 13.

despite feeling sick from allergies i did all my poses, well atempted at least.

the camel pose is the only one i can't truely attempt in going all the way back.

speaking of back. mine hurts more lately. is my shoulder feeling better a trade off and now my back hurts. hmmm. we'll see how next week goes.

i got another little nap at the end of practice but my body kinda shut down the rest of the day. i need more rest and better nutrition. next steps.

tomorrow is my two week mark at 5:45 AM...

:)

Day Twelve

dozen.

i've been to a dozen classes.

it was a much better class then the day before.

i pushed myself do all the poses.

i felt accomplished and i ended class with a 15 minute nap. :)

woke up to 4 others in class.

full of energy until i hit a 7pm wall of tiredness.

more tired lately even if i do feel accomplished...it'll pass i'm sure.

Day Eleven

i slept in class today.

i missed a whole series of poses.

i got a bit sick and couldn't take it anymore...just lay there on my mat.

radio says there are days like that. i agree. especially after doing the 300 sparta workout of weights and lunges (thanks voodoo for making me stronger).

tomorrow afternoon should be better.

Day Ten

peace.

it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.

it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.

(unknown)

Day Eight/Nine

uh oh, combined post. i'm a slacker.

actually, i've been stressed with work and derby that i am totally not enjoying yoga right now. i used to be so excited and both yesterday and today i thought, if i skipped yoga i could get so much done. sigh. and even though that is probably true i keep on keepin' on. i do find that i feel good after class.

so, tomorrow morning i have my 5:45AM (yay!) and i might do it again on Friday...just so i can get stuff done in the evening.

hoping next week i will like it again and be happy about going to class instead of dreading it. i just thought of this little saying by the sink in the locker room at yoga....about peace. but for the life of me i can't remember, so i guess i'll be posting it tomorrow. :)

Day Seven

free day of yoga, chocolate coconut water (yum) and coconut/almond kind bar (i like coconut) and most importantly - week one complete.

today hauss, tina and rice came to free day and did class with me and radio. it wasn't my best class. my mind drifted to my life issues and i just wanted to sleep but i knew i needed to keep focused and going. hauss gave me a very nice compliment after class about me pacing myself and doing everything. i guess i am slowly finding my rhythm in the postures, of which i had one really good pose: head to knee. my head didn't reach my knee but it is on the way and what i did do got a compliment from the teacher....nice. :)

time to enjoy the weather and the day off now that i am energized for the day.

Day Six

i chose to drink a little wine last night and felt it this morning during class. i had to sit a few poses towards the end, but i did attempt the tree pose to make up for it.

radio says she can see improvement in me already and though i can't i trust she knows what she's talking about...she is a yogi after all. :)

i can't believe i have almost been doing this for a week. i can't wait to see how i feel at the end of this month. if all goes well and i still like it i think i will go for the full 60 days, which is the actual bikram challenge.

here's hoping.

Day Five

today i cried in class.

i don't think anyone noticed. maybe the teacher, because soon after she said...we often go through rollercoasters of emotions in class....etc. unless someone else cried in class today i think she was telling me it is okay to feel certain emotions in class.

today i felt overwhelmed with real life and it kept creeping into my thoughts when all i wanted to do was conquer a pose. i cried because i felt overwhelmed with certain life situations that are beyond my control: other people's sorrows, other people's judgements towards me, loss, etc. and overwhelmed with body hate. feeling tight and unable...i dislike it and myself right now.

i also know i am reaching a point of fatigue. i am doing a lot physically right now that pushes me to different limits that my mind is having a hard time of wrapping around. i know i am running on minimal sleep.

i am not in control of my life completely right now....i don't know how to set it up and make it work...i am just riding the waves and occasionally being pulled under by the rip-tide....i am keeping my head above right now but waiting to be pushed under again.

what a way to live, but i'm not sure what to do right now except keep kicking my legs and paddling my arms and most importantly...keep my chin up.

Day Four

maybe it was because the entire longhorn swim team was in the class today and were awesome at their poses...stinkin' 19 year old bodies.

or the fact that it was day 2 of waking up at 5am. (even if i do get to go to galaxy cafe and get yogurt afterwards).

or the fact that i did a killer workout outdoors with weights yesterday evening before going to skate for an hour and a half.

or maybe it is all of the above....

but i hate my body today. i am a fat injured lump that can't do tree pose.

i'm starting to realize each class/teacher is different and i feel different in each one. today i feel the most like a blob and sweated the quantity of a 5 gallon bucket (so far the most i've sweated has been a 3 gallon bucket).

blah today....i'm sure it'll be amazing again soon but blah for now.

Day Three

ugh.

today marked my first 5:45AM yoga class.

i didn't like how i felt during it. maybe after a few times it will be better but this will not be a daily thing or i will not like yoga.

today i felt the most dislike for my body during a workout than i have in a while. i was frustrated with my body for not being able to be in the right position for a pose and i was upset with myself mentally for not pushing myself to be there. i felt bulky and tight and blob-like.

i know, third day, i can't be a pro but it is still frustrating. i mean i thought i had strong thighs until i have to keep my knee straight and lift the other leg....why can't my leg stay straight? and i know i am injured and having to do this slower but my competitive nature was really kicking in today.

Here is a link to the poses: http://www.365toawesome.com/bikram-yoga/complete-list-of-26-birkram-poses/

Poses I dislike and therefore will conquer: Standing Deep Breathing Pose, Eagle Pose, Standing Head to Knee, Standing Separate Leg Stretching, Triangle Pose, Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee, Tree, Toe Stand, Locust, Full Locust, Bow , Fixed Firm Pose, Half Tortoise, Camel, Rabbit, Head to Knee, Spine Twisting, Blowing in Firm(can't do the short breaths).

Okay, that looks like all of them but it is not...i'm really good at Savasana (Dead Body Pose)...i rock that pose all kinds of awesome!!

Tree pose can suck it...when i get that pose i'm doing a freakin' happy dance immediately after and the instructor will just have to understand.